Why do we want to get married

 Why are we getting married, because love? As to the age of marriage? For all aspects of looking at it together? Because of family pressure? Or because of unwanted pregnancies? Because of loneliness to companionship children rely on that? My friends a lot of acquaintances, these are. have a girlfriend told me after the divorce, not the ex-husband discouraged, is the marriage itself discouraged. I asked why, she said that living with her marriage had not the same imagination and feeling, imagination marriage, no matter with which man can not be created. I asked: So you and your ex-husband said do you want in marriage?
just to say the beginning, she said, was that he laughed, and later can not say . I continue to ask: What is your ideal marriage, in the end look like?
She was silent for children: that is, two people had properly chanting hh.
I still continue to ask her. At last she said: the house to There are several rooms, two people can have a separate space to dry all the things that two people weekend activities to some, to the suburbs to play, a Man that he can share some of the housework, hygiene, willing to participate cleaning.
her request is not a bit excessive, but her ex-husband do not want to cooperate with her, he likes to sleep late watching TV to play games, do not like to go to the suburbs, that housework is a woman thing, it does not matter to her.
they are for these chores, arguing for two years, finally breaking up. the start there is not no love, her ex-husband bought her jewelry, never stingy to buy new clothes, she has never been out of control over his party to send, and she ate was a good thing also remember to give him back, I remember her in-laws every month phone calls.
between them there is no money, what she wants, he can not give her to him, he feel nothing, because he also paid the same, and also good to her, and she told him the good you do not it should be?
after she finished with me, and said: I never said that the ideal marriage with others What, I think this thing can not force, force is also boring.
However, if your ideal, but your heart a good personal secrets, then how do you make the other half of you have a thorough understanding, he does not understand You need to accept your needs, how can you have a beautiful life together?
We are not for the words live together, has been to create life, and go and enjoy the happiness.
before marriage, let's ask each other, your ideal of marriage, what it was like, this is necessary.
what you need, I need what we understand each other's needs after the marriage of the imagination, will gradually implement.
modern marriage, is not as simple as food and shelter, work at home, we need a comfortable, safe, warm little world, but not picky, shirk, dirty, lazy, these things, destroyed more than marriage, the marriage will destroy your confidence.
Therefore, to emphasize once again: We have another person in order to keep up with married life We're going to make a life and enjoy happiness together as parents, along with health, happiness, strong to finish this long life.
we have already recognized, or is forced to admit, the reality is the most important , always yield to the reality of life, the ideal of this stuff, but young and frivolous, between the ideal and the reality, there will always be gaps, and we dare not say that, through efforts, in fact, can achieve the ideal, the ideal can become reality. < br> Because we are afraid, afraid to face the cruel reality, idealism is just a floating joke.
because we are afraid that after repeated efforts to get or failure, or will it farther and farther from ideal.
However, you have not thought about marriage is that we can not give up one of the most ideal as it will with your life, for us once in a lifetime, life is forever.
we are worried for their studies, to work distress, in order to dress distress, in order to work in the A or B to work in the interests of gain and loss calculations forever, we have to buy a dress from the texture to the price of refined over and over, however, love a person, together with a person, we are decisions are often made quickly.
enlighten us take the case himself: This is the feelings, emotions can not be so mean, there must be love, conditions almost on the line, then he will become good, the house is not something marriage can buy, something he did not mind, can develop after marriage.
you give up this ideal has become the first step.
we do not want to face the differences, we act for the love that is totally dedicated to accept difference, think this is love, and think this is a marriage should make sacrifices.
actually did not.
difference is the reason why we become ourselves and not someone else's cause. your other half is not enough Well, he just not the same as you.
Unfortunately, once we started dating, they will put two people as one. beautiful verses, often from the fact that: you'm missing, like he wanted to get away tears, he was asleep, but also Mozhao growling teeth, your heart can Liuzhuokoushui hh exchange for it? can exchange just fine.
our hearts, not a U disk, which record is not so easy to whom to read, even if your partner does not work.
not deny the ideal existence, the ideal is that we want to have a life, why be ashamed to admit?
Ouqi their repeated until the future, intertwined, it is better to tell him in advance: I want this, that there is this, I do not like that and that, I hate the most is that I will never accept is another.
(call for convenience, I have taken here one woman mentioned the names of the flowers, in fact, everyone is a flower.) Camellia
my friend, her husband hates her mention him every day: what to wear certain colleagues today, what to wear, what certain cosmetics colleagues recently, when certain students gathered about what the acquisition of .
first he fully understand those brands, and the second he felt she was too vain, trivial, and the third hurt his pride, he thought she meant to say: how do we can not afford, how do we then poor?
kind of disgusted look and he stimulated her, she would say, the more trouble the more she said. until the last quarrel.
fact, the camellia's mind is simple, she wanted him to understand these things are a gift from their husbands mm a gift she really wanted, of course, out of vanity, she also wanted some good things, so she put these two mixed mm she wanted her husband to her buy a lot of good things, it is better she likes, some big things.
her hope that he will pay attention to her speak, her words could be interested, can then ask her words: Oh, that what has happened, there are so OK? you like it, that I bought you so?
Camellia said: even if he does not buy, just to say that is good too, at least, so I am happy happy hh
This is often committed by a woman error, we always feel that he should understand that such a simple matter of course, how can he not understand.
But men just do not understand, he must wait for you to tell him: I am a woman, a woman like a gift, send little gift to me I would be happy to send anything, you can see this magazine's luxury directory, above address, and the price, pay attention: you can buy much cheaper in Hong Kong.
is not it funny? But this is the reality , between man and woman to receive the information asymmetry has been exaggerated to you live I live in Venus, Mars, Earth mm that what you do is Safari?
before marriage, and your marriage to each other with a description of the ideal marriage, is a good thing, allowing you to find many hidden ahead of time differences, you can advance to think about how to solve.
second question: How big is your ideal marriage gap
assume that you have very well to tell the other side, his ideal of what marriage is, assuming you have not talked and talked to a falling out, and no despise each other's little good. Suppose your own ideals, made it very clear, going to be fine to have a couple of houses, the children room to have several windows and the like.
can be hundred percent sure, you and his mind the ideal of marriage are two different things, even though you high similarity to the screen are the same, then there will be the difference between 3D and plane.
Do not cry, do not despair, do not be angry, here once again reminded that you are two completely different people. two people even describe the same thing, not like the say, not to mention your writing about the ideal classroom.
let alone talk about the ideal life to no avail. talk about the ideal, at least in advance so you can see, your marriage will be easy to go wrong in those places .
peach of my classmates, even those of us friends all know that her greatest wish is to go a few places, taking advantage of young, tourism travel. She is very determined to tell her husband to go out every year after marriage .
her husband is not without promise, promise very well. Basically, Peach said, after all the things about the marriage, he promised well, and she asked him if the idea, he said: listen to your .
it is very sweet, you heard the other half said so, is it? In fact it?
In fact, this is a perfunctory, this is not a reality before the arrival, will not do perfunctory any consideration and commitment. travel need the money, takes time, but also mood, he does not think about these things, because that was not his problem, he just let her happy happy, do not want to consider this issue carefully.
marriage did not go on a trip once a peach, is not enough money, he did not want to go, he just tell her: I did not mind, I work very tired, I'm busy weekend I have to work overtime.
them to this fights many times, until finally, his true thoughts come: my parents at home so hard, I have the nerve to go out and play?
Peach said: then we took them out to play, you can not?
they get older great, better than giving money.
less but we did not give Boyd?
short this problem not been resolved, only a small peach ideals shattered after marriage. She thought of divorce more than once. She is also gradually understand that the ideal marriage of her husband: The best arrangement is to follow his wife, do not have any additional costs, the money saved, to the parents. He was very fair and gave both parents.
However, this is not Peach life you want. Marriage is not to make money, save money, save down to the parents that simple life she wanted, exciting than this.
talk on the ideal marriage, he is not too superficial than you? he Is impatient and said: so many pieces do? so many things can you want to know? forget Well, you heard it, all I have to obey his wife.
lot of men because women emotional, afraid to speak their true thoughts, and, he has many ideas, they would feel too much, but after marriage he would think to do so, because those ideas in his heart, has been entrenched.
Peach husband's idea, if we can describe it would be this: We want to make money, and I the last decade the main goal is to make money, make money for the purpose of filial piety, filial piety is lots of money, both parents are. also Yes, we want to save money, and in the future have children spend a lot of money, is money in case we get sick. enjoy life that has nothing to do with me and enjoy life a waste of money, squandered love you women, I do one way or another.
he not wrong, from the appearance point of view, he is a simple, tall, very thoughtful man, really listen to peach, then you can quit smoking for her every day washing dishes, a little bitter that he was born, so the money very seriously It is also normal.
problem is ideal for both of them, not only a huge difference, but is not compatible. He never praised her new clothes, he never gave her flowers, he heard the tour to do not look.
So, you really need to know what his vision is, you do not mind his temper tantrums, threatened to go back, if you really want to marry him, you need to check first your Ideal gap between how much? large to what extent?
your understanding of happiness, and if not, at least not to undermine each other. If we say that for him, all the money is being saved, then you go to mountain happy to see the water to exist, and similarly, if you go out to travel, to realize their ideals, for him, your , you can make much sacrifice?
Peach problem is very simple, as long as the expense of her husband a little money, little time on it, who apart from a business trip, did not walk where they couple not low income That money is not bad, her husband is not so busy, even a weekend not get it out.
in principle, but he felt that, in principle, can not yield, yield to you once you will have a second, that this continues to save any money.
awful? her marriage really do not know what he thought so, she really thought he would totally listen to her.
them into another marriage, a situation stalemate, stalemate is the relationship continues, the two continued on in various family obligations, but has nothing to do with happiness.
which her husband is not what he used to the simple days of dull, peach argument is : this continues, I'm not dead, that is crazy.
you can say that the ideal peach is too high, blame Why does not she ask for less, you can sympathize with her, why is met such people. you can sympathize with the peach husband, he could not see the smiling faces of his wife, their happy I'm afraid it is difficult.
the gap between the ideal, at any time there is more conflict, because these gaps caused, unfortunately, we learned that even though we had pre-marital This person told us how different, or illusions, he will change it? marriage will change him? me to pay some, perhaps he will get better, right?
hh
another pair of common story of husband and wife, and asparagus-law relationship is encountered. She certainly does not include the ideal of marriage with her mother live together, but because of the insistence of her husband, her concessions, the result-law can not get along, divorce.
them statement of the ideal marriage is the same: for the house, for cars, will raise children, how are families, we all have jobs, how ever bad? no special requirements, two people are really, do not pay attention to the small atmosphere What little atmosphere, and all want to live well, taking advantage of the young in recent years to do better business.
naturally expect that such a common goal, after getting married should be able to form a nice small family, happy I will not speak, at least very stable.
they did not consider the third person, but a life, have lost their freedom.
these, but also you can not think of marriage, can not see. We are the ideal scenario, too vague, and we always feel that life can not be set so clear, we see car and house parents are dead, it is a joke.
sentence jokes are rude, very snob, but this description is clear. If we are the ideal scenario, can be compressed into a slogan or a slogan, perhaps more than it more brutal, more snobbish.
mother is not bad, divorce bears also say, she just feel she is good for children.
bears say that they are trivial ground of confidence, wanted to treat the elderly, her mother was sad, that divorce is all his fault, I would not ever be together with her son. son of bears, said: I did not let you have a good skill, after you find a better the bar.
What is more sad than this, we are good, we even understand each other's difficulties, but we just can not live together, in particular, could not live in a marriage relationship.
s three questions: how to describe your ideal marriage
summarize it, we know that in the ideal of marriage should talk about your marriage, in talking about the ideal of marriage, it should understand each other's gaps, these differences will directly affect us to modify and adjust their own ideal of marriage, after all, two people can marry, the future rules of the game, it is best taking into account the ideal of two people.
is not to say that my ideal, I have to get, even if at the expense of the front of the people at another, it is the only happiness? Or, for him, I can be sacrificed, ignored, glad to see him happy, I happy?
extreme is never happy, it kinds of impulsive and wild, it will kill your reason, it will hurt hurt yourself. love you, he will not want to give you a good idea; and not you, even as his own ideal of the ideal, the loss of self, people are not necessarily appreciate.
the premise that we really love, really in good faith to face later in life. I think you will not talk about with her hair of the master of your ideal marriage, if you're Friends said that his parents might have said, but you should tell him to say the most, with that love you, you sure love him, the father of your future, your life partner, told him that said about your ideal marriage.
JM said a lot of the thread, communication is very important. with a lot of things, we know that is important, but to do, really hard.
we feel, the couple silly discussion, the discussion of marriage as one thing, in particular, seem silly, trivial premarital put the marriage first to get all the desktop, but also as something to discuss, it is simply hh
However, We're very serious deposited mask, we tirelessly about gossip, we see from the TV series is a look at an hour, we chatted shopping eating hair, as a lot of time spent, spent, like energy.
we prefer to do these, but also do not want to discuss before marriage marriage, together with the other half do not want to advance to face those troubles and predictable differences in advance to think about the solution.
it is only because we are afraid of conflict, we are afraid of that, we As with the previous occurrence of fear of losing control of the fight, our hearts knew how he sometimes kind of person, but also counting on him to change after marriage you can see, we look forward to married life, let the track, the best you left to track up to our ideal of marriage.
This is not really possible. a lot of marriages, but we paid the price in order to understand and see through a person can understand what we really want. we must wait until all the fantasy are shattered, all contradictions are broke, we learned that the original decision was a mistake. perhaps very beautiful, you love, eat, drink are catered to, but you do not have any problems with the considered, the views of any specific things are inconsistent . Error is wrong, love is not wrong, but in the name of love, barely adhere to their own hopeless relationship is wrong.
is that you what the ideal of marriage, the more detailed the better, in fact, so you meet people you are ready to marry, your ideals will close with the actual step by step, until the blend.
then you will in a few words in passing, as written in the beginning of the friend : that two people had ah well.
not so simple, you have to elaborate, the process you describe the ideal marriage, in fact, you really need is you understand the process, it is definitely not a word or two can be explained clearly .
lot of people do not understand themselves, and not good at one thing to describe, clarify their own ideas, then you need to give yourself time to tell myself that this is what you should do more than beauty, weight loss, are important things.
course, we can unwittingly get married, we can put all the good men who are on, maybe we met a nice guy, really happy to finish this life. However, on the street so many men, which one would come up, give it your ideal? even if there were such people, to love you as his highest ideal, his own ideals, who should the Compensation?
So, you still sit down and a cup of tea, talk about it to begin with their own good, listen to the voice of your heart, the ideal of marriage, in fact, has never been far.
basis of an ideal marriage: What are you going to get kind of love and sacrifice.
I think the marriage of love, we must first independent of each other and respect each other's independence, and can open their minds frankly, after which is communication, understanding, trust, pity, tolerance, love of comfort is not a hh
violent destruction of > such as sunflower President, she inherited her mother's tradition, like all domination, like do not ask each other to make decisions in advance, and her other half has been received and silent, one day suddenly broke out, because she always when he wants to rest , family gossip and talked on his ears and automatic filtering usually choose to sleep in the past to hear when she is once again time taken the trouble to shake him, she felt that this is civilization, between husband and wife, effective communication. she was a man do a loss outbreak, and then she began to fight back the power of ten times, listing himself as he did everything. sense of failure.
there, Ms. Rose and her boyfriend is very aggressive, and he spends a lot of time in work and study, she suggested a little entertainment and relaxation, will be despised him, and he also asked She went driving test, test qualification training, foreign language classes, he has a sense of crisis that must be flourishing life is correct. Rose finished the qualification examination, had obsessive-compulsive disorder, she was always afraid of myself to forget what life arrangements She was afraid of phone suddenly rang, he shouted over there: Did you go to school, ah, ah Do not waste fees!
we love, we so into the marriage, but we always separate the two Who can not replace who live. our parents in that generation of people who inherited a weakness is: because of love, put themselves and their children confused, we do not consciously played the role of parents and children. I love you, I done a lot for you, so you have to listen to me. I love you, I was right, so you have to obey me.
I love you, you against me, that hurt me, just do not love me.
kind of thinking, is a precursor to destroy happiness. whether it is their lack of independence, or force the other side to give up independence, so that your marriage will become thorny road, you will be very confused, very hurt, very angry, because you All for love, but I do not know true love, is common to grow, mature, and not to your requirements, to arrange everything.
Miss Xiang Rikui marriage continues, she learned is: do not sleep in the Pro bother him before, when he was a bad temper, she was replaced by open forum at the dinner table, her daily experience, there must be a listener, whether he is listening not listening. She often told us: my so and so, is so boring, very quiet.
she did not know, Mr. X is the best debater in the university, with students gathering, he always jokes to make everyone laugh, said the man.
he right to speak to to her, willing to play a silent man, in exchange for peace. He actually did not like the exchange, but she never thought any other way. When he has anything to say, when she interrupted him, always wander somewhere else.
marriage he thought she was lovely, a girl's innocence, he was tired of marriage, accept their fate, and accept the marriage is staid affair.
Miss Xiang Rikui with many a woman, do not know, do not want to accept what was originally a man, she has always been willing to create the .
Ms. Rose left her boyfriend, she is sure he is completely right, because his life will be an extraordinary effort and more perfect, but she was satisfied with a stable job, want another like women, talk about games you can love shopping and dinner and a movie. Her former boyfriend is very confused, he said angrily: how to do so unpromising future ah. can not say that he does not love her, he finally was concerned about her future He is a fear that their .
You see, we are independent of the two people, this is not a simple thing? However, why the first to let us confused, first of all is this it?
because we know that after the marriage is The two of us to rely on each other finish the rest of my life with, so we love becomes a rule, bound to each other, we destroy his independence, they would become vulnerable, dependent. Love is not independent of the rope, tied spent two people, back to back sink and forget the original direction.
often we describe the ideal time of marriage, would not consciously write: I want to hh, then, might as well think: I can give De.
in the process of give and take, and we truly feel the taste of happiness.
you can start writing: I want to get what kind of love, I need someone to love me how to, What are the things he did I would be particularly happy, and what things he has done I will be very angry, I will turn even a mention.
Again, I can give each other anything, what I will way to love a person, in front of the man, he is my love happy? He do not really like those things, but because I have been put up?
clearly write down your and different attitudes and ideas, can coexist coexistence
not deny, we must keep in mind that. family life, not the East Eats West is overwhelming westerly wind, such a rule for the feudal society, a get together with people all day, the power struggle as the focus of work and life. And we live in modern society, work is our focus, if we have a strong marriage, we must keep fighting for their own benefit and keep the other side concessions until give up, you will find that this marriage can not create a happy man, with his original happy you will be clean and consumption.
coexistence need to bottom line, you need to know that there is anything, is even if only time will not be forgiven. You can not suppress their grievances, you can not take the patient in exchange for peace, or if you floor it becomes a threshold, and no one can cross. hyacinth is a gentle and loving wife, her husband has a bad habit, often drunk, act in defiance, and gradually gathering of friends do not want to take him, we do not want to see a good person to spread from the drunken babbling, wrapped up and no one person completed downtown, more frightening is that he will have to drive, how to persuade will not work, and had to rush over hyacinths from home, with his home.
hyacinth drinking any alcohol, she heard someone else's down-to nausea, but her husband came home every night to go pick voiced a complaint, including clean up his vomit. him the next day sober, and will become good. You will forgive me I will be better after mm sober, make up to break the bottom line of the dissatisfaction felt hyacinth have a happy marriage, until one morning she received a phone call, her husband drinking and driving, by was seriously injured.
She is a doting mother, has been indulging him, she did not floor in front of him, even the basic principles are not, we always think it is true love. there is domestic violence in the same woman, a times beaten back time and time again, the reason is that only then will humble man, would give her enough dignity, so she can carry the scars and bruises of life back in, stick to the next beating.
Without the love of principle and of right and wrong, of course, will make people feel sweet, but the result of indulgence is getting worse.
water lily Miss bossy boyfriend, she totally love listening to her beck and call as soon as he was against the she was crying: you do not love me anymore. she contacts the longest time boyfriend, underwear from the washing to do PPT file, all for her single-handedly, there are times to meet her boring boyfriend, send text messages, just because she SMS did not timely respond, she begins to trouble the dozen. coax her boyfriend, coax is not good, to do housework, she is still downtown, corner down her underwear and socks for my boyfriend finally collapsed, You spoiled! spoil me, love me, you should not say that I was right or wrong. Otherwise, they will not love me.
adhere to put the water lily lady as spouse, she decided that she would do her love slaves in life, she is not a good person to get along, never know what others think have anything to do with her. self and selfishness, there is only a thin line. difference is that people be very careful not to self-harm to other people's territory , and the people for their own selfish interests, ignoring the feelings of others.
selfish marriage is terrible, because you only focus on their needs, while ignoring the other half, you put to each other as a You can sacrifice the principle of love all people, so you can ride roughshod, do whatever they want, no bottom line, such a relationship would be a problem sooner or later.
on in their bottom line, we will find that in fact is a really good live things, we can tolerance, love each other ailments disadvantages, we will find that they are generous, the original order to love, we can pay more.
Ms. Tulip marriage that her husband's daily routine is totally different now, she used to get up early, a man accustomed to staying up late, they quarrel over this, even germination of the idea for divorce. Finally, she also bought a bed, her own bedroom in the early hours, to be a hard-working lark, the husband can also When inspiration came to work overnight and will not be invited to ask the three four-bed catalyst. At the same time, she would in some morning, went to his bedroom to kiss her husband and told him to get up to eat breakfast, her husband Some nights will be accompanied her, as she slept and then went to work.
to wait until night, and quiet, until a smooth writing program, he used to do that. Then I forget sub-bed, sub-bed is not separated, at least I can have a good sleep, he can free. colleagues in the popular husband the envy of the programmer, because they were forced his wife to sleep with men, it is a lot.
and disadvantages ah, I love to buy perfume, and more expensive dare to start, he never said that I, also helped me to collect. habits can be adjusted, as long as we have decided to live together, if we decided to bring happiness as the only goal.
inconsistent concepts, we can agree a consistent approach, for example
1, a good talk to listen to each other , do not interrupt, do not criticize;
2, after listening, the first to seriously think about, say their own ideas;
3, without irony, contempt, impatient, sarcastic tone towards the other half hh;