Primary Four autumn

 A
I called the Little Four 20 years ago, one born in the southern coastal city, was born, because of dystocia, the mother died, my father from me as a strange child. My childhood simple, no Many memorable events of the past, in addition to Ash tree, said to have stood for 200 years, like life itself, solemn and awe.
the village people say I am a strange child, or because my language, or because of my behavior. I hate them with a pity in the eyes staring at me.
I do not like people close to me. said I was a child without a mother. early age I learned to fight, accustomed to using their own teeth bitten my arm, until the oozing blood, leaving behind a row of crimson bloodstain. I will be excited, as if to see the mother's face, fantasy, if she, I will love me.
father never Tube me, because his wife went with me when he thinks all this is my fault, and we were not in any language, he just gave me food, give me to wear, give me live, as pets General. I never told him my father, he never shouted my name. because I've never his real name.
My name is 9 years old my own taken.
II < br> the children of the village as far as I hide the god of plague. I like solitude. does not like to talk. in the village, sat down under the acacia trees in the tree.
primary school years, I do not have too many friends , in addition to purple Tong Tong is a purple girl can be reassuring. She would rather like the Bible, can be straight to my heart, I like to speak to her.
she often took me to the mountainside after the flowers go wild, a cluster of clusters, there are bright colors, there is still a sweet flavor.
but I hate these look so swaying flowers, the flowers actually nobody is so long boom.
I will picking wild flowers to wear to her head, to make her as beautiful as the girl with her mother, and then withered like flowers long crush, oozing juice in your hand, even with a fragrance. in the cold. < br> Three
Purple Tong's father was back in town to work, a must move out.
Zi Tong to me and say goodbye when the look is about crying, she told me to look down, and then a string of heart-shaped key hanging on my neck. I was silent, looked at her silently.
then head down, told me that she would write to me.
she said, She'll miss me. free time will I write. and turned, step by step, constantly looking back.
I looked at her figure from my sight blurred, until it disappeared, like watching I like rather than the mother, I want to talk, but nothing can be found from the mouth.
a long time, I continue to think she would like to hear the words of the Bible seem. but I can not find to her.
, she often wrote to me said her life. said her study. said she miss our days, that period of carefree days.
later moved again, she said , the address is not known.
mother's husband to go out business, I followed him to another city.
until returning to his village and found everything about the purple no Tong.
Since then we have lost all contact.
four 18 years old, college entrance end, did not reach the key university admission scores, from the end of the past with a group and a group of strangers in a room crowded scene, began to really lonely years .
very similar to the face and my man told me that would help me to find a very easy task. call me and keep quiet for guarding the job to the old.
day, rushing from the alley a few people, few people do not know. In addition to the application for a fight with me, he cried. I did not hear clearly.
them walking towards me, there are roughly 20 meters, in the sun, hands waving glittering things.
I picked on the ground, like something very hard to throw to them. a man lying down, not far away.
brain started oozing bright red and thick liquid, and the rest of his body dragged panic, rushed around, they say I'm not human.
since I have gone through blood red. a pool of blood after another bloody beach. In this light and dark are mixed where it is particularly bright.
five
the first time the man hit me, put me in the house, then I know that was me who hit into a vegetative state, may not wake up.
few days later, the man put me out and told me that after the law-abiding, said that the pay of all compensation. I finally know why the police came to me.
look at this strange but often see the face, I did not speak.
next day, I gave him a letter. away from the life of the village for 18 years.
I think I will never go back, I do not want to see a Zhang ugly face, a seemingly sympathetic demeanor Vice hypocrisy, I hate them. And that the so-called father, I have no love nor hate him, he will not find me. I did not say I will go . I do not know what I will go.
six
end of the village where there is a gateway to the railway did not know, school will always climb the highest tree that looked vaguely at the railway, in the rain.
heard roaring sound every day, it seems has been calling me to another place, had never been to a place where there occurs a story never happened.
railway is still fuzzy even climb in the highest, can only have a shadow.
I move between Medina and Medina trail straight ahead and move forward, it began to rain, and growing, the path becomes muddy, my whole body began to tremble.
railway is still vague, and only outline.
with thunder, mixed with lightning, train more and more loud roaring sound.
along the muddy road, about After more than an hour and see the fantasy of the railway, and trains, as well as roaring sound, a noisy but it felt like the sound of melodious, pure and natural.
I set foot on the train, huddled in the corner of car in, clutching their packages, money, ID cards, photos of the mother.
do not know how long it took, the train stopped.
the train, and with the crowded, I know I went to another city, a city never visited. I never saw a strange group of boring people, and this makes me very happy.
the top of the station says ;. big words.
only belongs to the past of this ancient city, I do not know where to start.
vulgar I think people who appear before the crowd, I do not like them, I just want to have their own ideas, is something you like, even if no one likes.
I rented a house in Xi'an, sensible starting to begin to imagine their own space, and now look at this less than 30 square house, and my heart outburst, hand photos of the mother, the woman with me, my hand to wipe the glass on the picture box a bit, a beautiful woman. I put her on the table.
then lying in bed, severely sleep, only to forget the past, but do not want in the future.
only now, now is the most important.
seven
and awoke at noon, when already there sun shines on the bed, the sun will be like the terrible sword piercing my heart usually can not breathe.
lying there so quietly, found that hungry, reluctantly got up, got dressed, locked the door leave the room.
night came back, a laptop, spend the money man, I did not feel anything. bought a lot of pirated CD and VCD.
placed after everything and began to look for a long time life, think that only fully meaningful life.
me every day online, or Xiegao Zi, and will send some magazines to earn royalties.
my own fictional stories, but also fictional people The story, on their own, about others, about themselves and others.
day, I opened up my QQ, there is a short message, called friends. request is written like this: sentence, I know.
I add to her friends. Although I was a lonely search for people, so I do not know what loneliness how to hide the treasure, make me so confident of giving .
I like her manner of speaking. as purple as Tong.
I think of purple-tung, the same Bible that speaks like a girl.
you say me how to solve the problem?
forget his image in your mind, you know, life is just an illusion.
Oh, life is really an illusion perhaps. Today, I saw someone jump off the bridge, the bridge is not high, you can have a car from him run over the body, blood, scattered flowers, many people see, wryly, and others laugh.
you know, everyone will take the same road, from birth to death, or choose the way will be different, but no one can go against him, it is the law.
a sudden I hope I will grow old, not experienced too much suffering, take a look at his face, and then lying in bed, comfortable to leave.
Duras in talk to the life, that the cruelty of life, said the irresistible nature of life.
I said I was a fallen man, do not know how to learn, no one will care about me, I belong to myself. I'm selfish and pessimistic , rebellious.
I was surprised, she said.
I seem to see her surprised expression on the other end.
someone knocked on my door, is the landlord.
he asked me to stereo sound lower point, say wake the other guests, and then left.
snobbish back.
I went back to the computer desk, the sound of the voice to the minimum, the room quieted down, feeling terrible .
silence back to devour me, bit by bit, until the flood.
life is just a process, but each person's process is different, just like you and me.
I quietly watched her play over the text. very quiet. placid.
not like a rainbow in your life, not like the setting sun, not like a glow, only the decadent, like a flower, blooming flowers, strange and stifling.
I silence, no movement, no one knows, including myself.
room light gradually shifted, until it disappears.
darkness fell, and her off the plane, and said goodbye.
suddenly found that hungry the. start looking for food, a search of the entire house, no.
a cold wind blow body shudder, the original fall is already here.
threw a coat, go out.
eight
streets are very crowded, people everywhere, shouting, there to sell food, have to sell wear.
just lights dim, and in this suburb.
wonton place to sell, store is not large, can accommodate about ten few people, the boss wrinkled, knife in general, very old, about people who have experienced many vicissitudes.
I want a bowl of wonton, find a place to sit, sat next to a pair of young men and women, childlike face, talking softly to each other, calmly.
ravioli here, very fragrant. tasted very fresh. begun to wander, the fragments of memory, but all flash, man's face is still fuzzy, and only profile, followed by the purple-tung, the little girl's smile, but also vague. only tree locust tree, tall, upright, dignified, solemn.
someone sit down next to me, a girl, very beautiful and plain girl.
looked at her, purple Tong clear up the image of childhood, that she should grow up like this.
girl voice is very flat, very attractive .
I continued eating the ravioli, and she began to speak, she said if I met where very familiar, and very deep memory.
I said I was the first time in this city, I'm just a stranger , past, present or future, I am depressed, I feel I can not make people close.
She smiled, and the purple tong is somewhat similar.
She said she mistaken, their heads and began dinner.
I stood up and walked out.
she stopped me and asked my name.
I turned and said I called the Little Four ..
she growled What, said it was a simple name, then say, I did not hear.
nine
there came the sound of car brakes tight, also sounds. Then we have nothing. Death is the most true.
still noisy streets, the calls of a car, someone in a fight, sharp sound, cold voice.
body began to warm up in this season, I have no goal, no direction. Very often, this can not break free, unable to resist.
I was acting strange person. they said.
will have its own in the deepest sense, deep feeling very heavy, surrounded the whole person, no Department to run. depression, Lengjun, cruel.
to live, may not be able to define it as a home and, like the place to live for 18 years, as sooner or later one day I will leave here, go to find other places to live for some time, continue to live. Life is like that, can not stop, once stopped, it means death.
ten
open the computer to see just bought the disc woman man said: I can not marry you, just as not rain tonight.
man did not speak, walk away.
middle of the night, the woman was asleep almost hear the voice of raindrops hitting the window , small, very clear.
woman opened the window, really began to rain.
She opened the door. saw a man on the roof.
men holding hands in a bucket pouring water along the the eaves, over and over again.
man meets a woman at the door, and said the rain tonight.
said the woman to marry him.
angels watching couples in the side of men and women, focus on the cold face.
like to see the movie camera often switches, abstract but meaningful. not much dialogue, but dialogue is very short classic. short and dynamic.
reading, the night was deep. wanted to write something , but can not think of anything. down on the bed. sleep.
XI
day every day so, besides the need to go out to buy things, but are bored in the dwelling house, the day and night. < br> bus, watching all kinds, different expressions of passengers, there are people at every station, the group of strangers will come up, a group of another group of strangers in my eyes and turn, unable to remember their faces, only forget.
We all live in the unknown world, not like the Prophet Mustafa, can not predict what will happen the next second.
take 603 to the city, suddenly began to rain, rain drip down along the glass, like girl's tears, sensitive, fragile crystal.
someone opened the window, a cold wind came, the whole body trembled a little, bind tightly clothes, some people criticize the horrible weather in Xi'an.
close the window, his head leaning on the window, curled up body, looked out the window vague and fleeting street, the body gradually warms.
car stopped and opened my mind a lot of attention idea hope this car never stopped, to be able to find a reason to cycle.
someone sitting next to me, supporting flash when the rain dripping on me, she told me that I'm sorry.
I do not care, just looked out the window vague unreal world, close to the glass, just want to be more realistic.
girl shouted my name.
I looked at her, last met in the wonton shop that. the girl was still very plain dress.
early age I was a child and did not like questions, I always do not know what to say. just silence. the car is still ahead.
where she asked me next.
I said to go to New Century.
She said that we go the same way.
us under the clock tower.
previous life, she said she seems to have seen me.
I think there is no past life, and no afterlife. we've got is now, or is this moment, this moment over to what is gone, can not make up.
She said she really saw me. Maybe I've seen a past life, or forget .
I still only silence. do not know what to say.
Her name looks pretty, is a native of Xi'an, Xi'an, used to live, do not want to go somewhere else. So the universities have to stay in Xi'an.
I am not a love from home, I have no concept of home.
She asked me a few questions, I can not answer.
You're a strange person. she said.
I like to live alone, go with the flow , there is no interference, bus, where to next to where the next.
we go shopping.
she let me go shopping with her cell phone.
a defenseless girl, would think around people are good people.
blink of an eye. gentle look. natural smile. everything is providential.
I followed behind her, someone coming toward us, and greeted him, a few boy with a handsome face.
they talk together. I stood aside and did not speak.
girl turned and pointed at me and said I was her friend.
I am a little shocked, I was no friends who used to be the case. now this. the future will be like this. Friends of the concept too far for me, how scarce.
I nodded, he reached deep over my hands still pocket, and do not want to pull out.
drew back his hand, looked a little embarrassed.
girls and he said a few words. he left.
her to me and says there is no relationship.
I a bit confused, I seek lonely, but I obviously feel a kind of need a friend, very strong, very strong.
we walked to the cell phone counter, where a lot of people.
some time, she called the salesperson the phone out, and then pay, then replaced the original number.
so simple and direct.
finished second
buy something, we left the New Century. She asked me what to do now. < br> I said I did not work, has been at home.
why not find a job.
I'm not harmonious with the society, or even out of tune.
she could not understand my past, would not understand me now. We are two stretches thousands of kilometers before tens of thousands of intersecting lines, this long-range raid doomed our tired, anything can happen.
we go to KFC, she said. She treat.
her expression of the natural and flat.
for such eyes. I could not refuse.
I took her into the Kentucky Fried Chicken. two glasses of white matter cola. a few chicken sandwiches. I have always hated to eat hamburgers.
strange faces walk from our front, and disappeared, without any impression.
little spicy, I do not like spicy food. she was very serious eating.
her voice weak and Rouhuan. < br> This and similar Tong purple girl. I'm sorry.
I look around and see all kinds of modality. the child's crying. sweet words between lovers. This is a warm place. I say only a few a little music. I can not leave the music.
moment, there is the Scottish bagpipes, music, melodious.
She said she liked the music, make people feel calm, not too much thought.
her cell phone rang, she was called back, saying in a hurry.
She looked at me and did not speak.
something left I said, I am a person accustomed to.
next time you walk It should be noted that when, not Man, do not look good car, easy to trouble.
she left a phone number, collapse from the pack went to the downstairs.
I stood at the window, saw her figure on the street, the angel figure. pure and beautiful.
fourth
after a noisy street, I went back to the room.
open the computer, Xin online.
I like her manner of speaking . as purple as Tong. so purple Tong impression in my mind more clear, so I could not resist, unable to resist, thought waves, flooded. in the dry north.
Xin, can you tell me Where are you, I can find you. tread the path you walk.
I in the Northeast. a very beautiful port city.
have a lot of tourists every year, see you more than breathing the sea. All the rough can be swallowed.
but you can not find me. I do not see you.
Why? I suddenly found that looks pretty lonely to appear to me, was actually in front of Xin so helpless, I and Xin began to change roles. In this lonely years, chat with her many times, I began to fragile and sensitive to the beginning. and she, more and more independent. more and more strong. colder. we seem to become a stranger, even if the familiar met to recognize but can not send a stranger.
you simply do not know me. you know the network exists only because they can conceal themselves, can go to deceive others. I am not your Imagine the kind of character, in fact I was the fall. In this beautiful city, I have only the courage to face the darkness.
I started in the lonely city in the search for your shadow everywhere. pay attention to every one and I walked face. hope one of them to you, you will suddenly jump out and shouted my name.
Primary Four, I thought like you rebellious people should know from the beginning This is a game. Once a breach of the rules of the game to lose the game itself, the meaning of existence. We can not celebrate what exists on the network devoted a lot of feelings. The only thing we can do now is to forget each other, to make up for the game rule after the destruction caused by the deficiency. like now.
I can not forget. I really can not forget. you let me see again. I will totally give up hope. so I can thoroughly understand the network the illusion. I like you, I began to concern you, I thought of you. I need you so.
Maybe, but you come you will regret it.
too distant future, I know we can not prediction, can only take one step.
fifth
she gave me her address.
a beautiful coastal city. Northeast. a place where I did not want to go.
me and looks pretty that I'm going to Northeast.
Iverson said an exam, not with me.
the plane, according to Xin to the address, hit in the past.
several minutes later, a girl standing on my front.
his face downcast. but still could not hide her beauty.
a beautiful but strange flowers.
obviously is a magic, magic has chosen to have attractive.
she saw to me, came up to me. say I handsome than the pictures. I am speechless.
We walked. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes. asked me pumping pumping.
I said does not. She is skilled fingers caught in the cigarette. and then the ignition.
I say you make me feel really not the same.
she smiled. I was like that. I said that you would regret.
network exists only to deceive others. But not quite how I see you fall.
from time to time someone gave her greeting, her smile back. more and more like a stranger.
only come because she bent. to seek another sense of life. will take the chance. and I find now become a joke.
She took me into a house floor. beautiful. empty. depression.
Do not allow your life the presence of other colors. Everything is different and I thought. I hope this is only a dream, wake up after a dream return to dissipate. can shake her in front of me to fro.
What would you like?
Mengpo Tang.
between people can not last long. you know. now she began to seriously, and this is my favorite Xin. < br> I do not know, can not understand.
you know who the villa. You think I do have so much money. I have been relying on the lives of others. left him, I could not be maintained.
I can take care of you, as long as your word, follow me.
you afford to raise me? you know me how much money he spends each month, you can do for me what you earn I bought a bottle of perfume is not enough.
you love it.
like. He give me the satisfaction of material desires. He let me live like a lady. this is enough.
But you are still young.
because I am young, and can not spend my Love.
her eyes burning strong and unassailable.
Xin, you know, I like you.
Although I like you, But you know that love has no foundation. forget me. Primary Four.
Why can not two people in love together.
If anything is that simple, leaf boat, no matter how Gone with the Wind can not be migrating to the other side, we are destined to be lonely. forget it.
you are a selfish person.
Maybe.
Maybe I really should not come. I'm out of the house.
ten Six
I turned, standing behind a world that does not belong to me.
br> turns out that we have grown up, our world becomes stranger.
late at night. the lonely city ah. No pedestrians, except me.
lights still dim, do not remember how many of these experienced night. but today is painful to me, it is difficult to forget.
my fate. Primary Four, you do not understand that this is impossible. I tell you how many times emphasized, and two people in love does not necessarily together. you must take into account before he met you have her experience , and all this is possible is that you can not accept. you look at the environment I grew up, you do not know my past. you can not make more of this interpretation.
Primary Four, we should not be painful, have been before we met, do not all good. It's just a episode, you return to your circle of life, with someone else, you will forget me.
her lips gently point in my face a bit.
go faster. aircraft to take off. We all have an end.
I hugged her.
Xin, meteor flashed the sky the moment even if only moment, is the most beautiful.
I'm gone. I will miss you. until forget you.
I walked toward the ticket gate, I could hear her crying.
in the world behind .
I thought she was a strong and cool girl.
but I am shaken.
the city in the past does not belong to me. in the future, too. including her account.
back to Xi'an, have been in the morning.
seventh
airport remains noisy, hurried pedestrians everywhere.
successive days, and I bored in the room. sleep. reading. stereo. write novels.
Let the lights on all night. This is my way of protection.
always this way, you can return the way you want. You can try to forget the past.
looks pretty to me to their school.
looks pretty and I , walking in the campus. Some people look at us. I know not for me. looks pretty so beautiful, but I seemed so depressed.
not you come to regret this.
I do not know.
I'm sorry I embarrassed you.
I'm just a little uncomfortable.
I am a regular person does not follow. In this strange place, I am not only not used to, I'm scared. I just thought to myself forward.
she can see my smile. fake. but enough of her.
she pointed a building not far said it was her dormitory.
still Some people keep looking at us. looks pretty shook my hand. warm. holy.
and the porter said, loudly. She took me on the floor.
i have friends. how to used to bustling life.
time will solve all.
I do not know how many years I can rest. I am a pessimistic person. she knew.
quarters are neat and clean. people are .
sitting on the bed she pulled me. I was only silence. never met such a scenario. I was looking lonely people.
Iverson said to them, I was her friend.
them on I laughed, and then looks pretty funny. is ambiguous.
began to get busy, it was cut pears, was going to buy things.
they are all good people. you need a friend. Iverson said.
I'm just scared I can not adapt. I am too humble.
They asked me many questions, some I can not answer. I am a very humble person. I feel dreadful.
girl wearing a red T-shirt say bother us. They go on .
I do not want people too good to me. I can not get used. I gently said of Iverson.
including me?
I do not know. I looked at looks pretty. looks pretty watch me. our relative silence.
she could not understand the pain hidden in my heart. so deep, so heavy. Many times I mean it.
you like me? Iverson said. Her eyes were strong and direct .
I just do not know how to answer you. my friends who almost never. I do not know how to adapt to an entirely different life.
looks pretty shook my hand. I got up, said that the room is too stuffy. we go out.
she did not know, Eunice has been my last point took the courage to love.
eighth
looks pretty, I'll go a few days See one of my publishers.
you prepare a book.
I figured out some things, have to.
but you and me.
looks pretty, you know. I am a selfish person. many times I thought only of my own.
Do not say that. when are you back?
not clear, then it'll call you.
I did not think in such a scenario to see the purple Tong's father. I am a publisher.
I asked him the situation Purple Tong.
talks have been very happy suddenly stern.
he no longer speak, but look very painful.
to feel out what I'm rough. I was a particularly sensitive one for death. From the moment of birth to begin.
her father brought me into her room. very clean and tidy .
He Zi Tong diary to me.
1993 年 6 月 7 Fine Today is the first to leave a small four days, I'm so reluctant to him, and Ash tree. I do not know what to say. I took ten years of heart-shaped key to him, I think he will understand. I hope he can have a safe on, and I said I would write to him. If possible, I hope he can go with us, to leave his village is cursed.
1996 年 1 月 23 日 overcast, I miss the small four-ah, but not his address. This felt like water, like, how to pull too pull constantly. Dad is busy, no time to accompany me back. He assured me not a man to go, a man several times to sneak away, but every time my father will be found.
1997 年 1 月18, finally agreed to accompany me to clear my father went back to Primary Four, I'm so happy. do not know what to say. Today in the afternoon to buy better things to Primary Four, he was so lonely.
1997 on 1 22 rain
I can not see the small four, and the thought that you can see a small four days before, wake up already after a few days, vaguely heard the father and the doctor said I do not how long time. call them mentally ready.
1997 年 1 月 23 日 rain
I feel a lot better I am, maybe a supernatural power, my father and I did not mention any thing about my illness, I let Dad Dad brought the diary, make up these days.
I do not know, but from my death is getting closer. And I still see a small four, I do not know where he is. see the pain the parents look like they close, but they carry them one step away from my world. there is a small four. I'm so lonely, so scared.
This is the last one out.
memories. heart-shaped key. diaries. she left me everything.
can take me to see her on the mound you?
suburb not far from the graves. In the grave. all seemed so quiet. Everything I fear.
purple mound of rough long tung several flower wild flowers, beautiful beautiful.
;
. Every day we grow old, you can always keep the purple tong is the beauty of youth, I am happy for her.
There are many things in this world, I can not all take. but I know what should be seized, and what should be abandoned. but now I can catch you shadow of uncertainty. you're always just a shadow, a appeared, and now the shadow disappeared. but the shadow is too true, I could feel her tears of pain. I can feel to.
goodbye to the purple Tong's father. With ...